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Emotion Regulation

About emotion regulation

Emotion regulation refers to the ability to monitor, evaluate, and modify emotional reactions to match the situation. Difficulties in this area mean that emotions can feel intense, overwhelming, and hard to control, often leading to impulsive behaviours or deep distress.

How emotion regulation difficulties can show up

  • Intense reactions: Emotional responses that feel "0 to 100" very quickly, often disproportionate to the trigger.
  • Slow return to baseline: Taking a long time to calm down or recover after becoming upset or angry.
  • Impulsive behaviours: Acting on urgent urges without thinking of consequences, such as verbal outbursts, spending, or substance use.
  • Mood swings: Rapid or frequent shifts in emotional state throughout the day.
  • Shutting down: Feeling numb, spaced out, or "blank" as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings (dissociation).
  • Interpersonal conflict: Relationship difficulties caused by reactive communication or misunderstandings during emotional moments.

Further information on emotions

Emotions are adaptive and provide us with important information, but for some people, the volume is turned up too high. This can be due to biological temperament, neurodivergence (like ADHD or Autism), or past experiences/trauma. Learning to regulate doesn't mean suppressing feelings; it means feeling them without being hijacked by them.

Self-help ideas for regulation

  • Name it to tame it: simply labelling your emotion ("I am feeling anxious") can reduce the intensity of the brain's emotional response.
  • Grounding techniques: Use your senses to anchor yourself in the present (e.g., notice 5 things you see, 4 you feel, etc.).
  • The Pause: When you feel an urge to react, try to insert a brief pause. Take three deep breaths before speaking or acting.
  • Sensory soothing: Use comfort measures like a weighted blanket, cold water on your face, or calming music to down-regulate your nervous system.

When to see a psychologist

  • Your emotional reactions are causing significant distress or shame.
  • You are engaging in self-harm or risky behaviours to manage feelings.
  • Relationships are ending or struggling due to conflicts.
  • You feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster you can't get off.

How we help with emotion regulation

  • Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) skills for distress tolerance and regulation.
  • Schema Therapy to understand the childhood origins of emotional patterns.
  • Mindfulness strategies to increase awareness of emotional states.
  • Psychoeducation to understand the window of tolerance.