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School Refusal

About school refusal

School refusal, sometimes called school avoidance, describes when a child or adolescent experiences severe emotional distress about attending school, leading to difficulties staying in class or attending at all. It is distinct from truancy, as parents are typically aware of the issue and the young person stays home due to anxiety or depression rather than anti-social reasons.

How school refusal can show up

  • Morning distress: Intense crying, tantrums, panic attacks, or pleading not to go to school in the mornings.
  • Somatic complaints: Frequent physical complaints like stomach aches, headaches, or nausea that typically occur on school mornings and subside if they stay home.
  • Clinging or aggression: Difficulty separating from parents, or becoming verbally/physically aggressive when pressured to go.
  • Absences: A pattern of arriving late, leaving early, or missing full days of school.
  • Social withdrawal: Pulling away from friends or extracurricular activities associated with school.
  • Sleep disturbance: Difficulty sleeping on Sunday nights or nights before school days due to worry.

Further information on school refusal

School refusal is often a symptom of underlying difficulties such as separation anxiety, social anxiety, learning difficulties, or bullying. It can be self-reinforcing: staying home provides temporary relief from the distress, which makes the idea of returning seem even harder. Early intervention is key to preventing long-term academic and social impact.

Self-help ideas for parents

  • Open communication: Listen to your child's fears without minimizing them, but validate that facing them is hard.
  • Maintain routine: Even if they stay home, keep the day structured (e.g., no video games during school hours) to reduce the "reward" of staying home.
  • Collaborate with school: Keep in regular touch with teachers and well-being coordinators to monitor the situation.
  • Model calm: Children pick up on parental anxiety; try to project confidence that they can cope with school.

When to see a psychologist

  • The distress is severe and persistent.
  • Your child is missing a significant amount of school.
  • The refusal is impacting the whole family's functioning.
  • You suspect underlying anxiety, depression, or learning issues.

How we help with school refusal

  • Assessment to identify the function of the refusal (e.g., avoiding social situations, escaping academic pressure).
  • Collaborative approach involving the young person, family, and school.
  • Gradual exposure plans to support a stepped return to school.
  • Strategies for parents to manage the morning routine and distress.