We help people develop and grow with life's challenges

Personality and Identity

About personality and identity

Personality describes the enduring patterns in how we think, feel, and relate to ourselves and others. When these patterns are rigid, distressing, or cause ongoing problems in relationships and daily functioning, they may be understood as a personality-related difficulty. These are not character flaws but deeply ingrained ways of coping that often developed for good reasons and can change with the right support.

How personality and identity difficulties can show up

  • Unstable sense of self: Feeling uncertain about who you are, what you value, or what you want from life.
  • Intense or unpredictable emotions: Emotional responses that feel out of proportion and difficult to settle.
  • Troubled relationships: Patterns of conflict, fear of abandonment, or swinging between idealising and resenting people.
  • Impulsive behaviour: Acting quickly in ways that feel good in the moment but cause problems later.
  • Avoidance and withdrawal: Holding back from relationships or opportunities due to fear of rejection or judgment.
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness: A persistent sense of numbness, disconnection, or feeling hollow.

Further information

Personality-related difficulties exist on a spectrum. Common presentations include borderline personality disorder (BPD), avoidant personality disorder, and narcissistic patterns, though many people experience significant difficulties without meeting criteria for a formal diagnosis. These patterns are often rooted in early experiences and are highly responsive to evidence-based psychological treatment.

Self-help ideas

  • Practice naming emotions without immediately acting on them.
  • Notice patterns in how you respond to stress or conflict and reflect on what drives them.
  • Build a small number of consistent, safe relationships rather than relying on many.
  • Use grounding techniques when emotions feel overwhelming.

When to seek professional support

  • Emotional intensity is affecting your relationships, work, or safety.
  • You notice longstanding patterns you cannot seem to change on your own.
  • You struggle to maintain a stable sense of who you are.
  • Impulsive behaviour or self-harm is occurring.

How we help

  • Schema therapy to understand and shift deep patterns developed in early life.
  • Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) skills for emotion regulation and distress tolerance.
  • Attachment-focused therapy to support healthier ways of relating.
  • Collaborative goal-setting with a focus on the life you want to build.