We help people develop and grow with life's challenges

Self-Esteem and Confidence

About self-esteem and confidence

Self-esteem refers to the overall sense of your own worth as a person. Confidence is more specific, relating to belief in your ability in particular areas or situations. Both can be undermined by experiences in early life, difficult relationships, setbacks, or persistent self-critical thinking patterns.

Low self-esteem is not a personality trait or something you are stuck with. It reflects beliefs and patterns of thinking that developed over time and can shift with the right support.

How low self-esteem and confidence can show up

  • Harsh self-criticism: An inner voice that is quick to find fault, dismiss achievements, and highlight failures.
  • Comparing yourself unfavourably to others: Frequently measuring yourself against others and coming up short.
  • Difficulty accepting compliments: Deflecting praise, assuming people are being polite, or doubting positive feedback.
  • Avoiding challenges: Holding back from opportunities, relationships, or new experiences out of fear of failure or judgment.
  • Seeking excessive reassurance: Needing frequent validation from others to feel okay about yourself or your decisions.
  • People-pleasing: Prioritising others' needs and approval at the expense of your own, to avoid criticism or rejection.

Further information

Self-esteem is closely linked to anxiety, depression, and perfectionism. Improving it is rarely about simply thinking more positively. Lasting change usually involves understanding where these beliefs came from, testing them out in real situations, and building a more flexible and compassionate relationship with yourself.

Self-help ideas

  • Notice self-critical thoughts and ask whether you would say the same thing to a friend in your position.
  • Keep a record of small wins and things you handled well, however minor they seem.
  • Gradually approach situations you have been avoiding and notice what actually happens.
  • Identify the values that matter to you and use them as a guide rather than other people's opinions.

When to seek professional support

  • Self-criticism is persistent and affecting your mood, relationships, or choices.
  • Low confidence is holding you back from things that matter to you.
  • You have tried to change how you see yourself but the patterns keep returning.
  • Self-esteem difficulties are linked to anxiety, depression, or past experiences you have not been able to process.

How we help

  • Identifying and challenging the core beliefs driving low self-worth.
  • Compassion-focused and schema-based approaches for deeply held negative self-views.
  • Gradual behavioural work to build confidence through real experience.
  • Developing a clearer, more stable sense of identity and personal values.